Coming To Elusia
by fantasymaven
Summary: The Tenth Doctor, traveling alone after the Waters of Mars, investigates reports of a mysterious planet that kidnaps and artificially ages lonely men. What he discovers proves to be difficult to resist.
1. Chapter 1

"Weeeeeell, it looks as if the temporal flux capacitor is misfiring on three circuits, but that's no matter. I can circumvent the malfunction by diverting energy to the binomial vortex converter and... and... Blimey! I'm talking to myself again, aren't I?" The tall man in the brown pinstripe suit banged the central control keyboard with his fist and the ship's engines whined a bit in protest.

The Doctor looked up from his control panel and gazed mournfully around the empty Tardis. All around him the walls gleamed warmly yellow, as if the sentient spaceship was trying to give him what meager company she could by dressing up for him a bit, but there were no sounds at all except the twittering of machinery and his own voice.

This was the way it was for him now. Always.

The soul-crushing events on Mars had made the Doctor even more leery of companionship than he had been before. The last person he tried to befriend - Adelaide Brooke - repaid him for his rescue by shooting herself, and now the Doctor was terrified of any conversation that lasted more than an hour. What was he becoming? A monster? The Master? Or something even worse? He seemed to cause death and destruction anywhere he went, no matter how hard he tried to help... and lately it just seemed as if there was no place he could go that did not result in doom for somebody else. He flitted from planet to planet and galaxy to galaxy chatting genially with strangers and visiting some of the most phenomenal sights in the universe, but it just seemed a bit... hollow now.

What did he say to Rose once? "There's a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold." He didn't have that any more, and never would again. He simply couldn't risk it.

He sighed heavily and slogged morosely toward the living chambers, where he still preserved the rooms his companions had used while they still traveled with him. He slipped quietly into a pink and yellow chamber, which still smelled faintly of Keira roses and earl gray tea. The table by her bedside held a hologram - his little tiny Rose, perfectly preserved forever. He lay down on her bed, gazed longingly at the hologram, and just... sniffed. Deeply. Ahhh... roses. Ah. Rose.

Blimey! Self-pitying nonsense this was! He was doing it nearly every day now! He sent her away to be happy, it was the right thing to do, she was better off and he knew it. And even if it was a mistake, there was no fixing it now, so lying around mooning at her memory wasn't going to help anything. It wouldn't bring her back, it wouldn't fill the holes in his hearts, and it wouldn't stop the prophecy that lingered always in the back of his terrified mind.

He will knock four times.

Maybe that's why the Doctor never wanted to spend much time around other people. He was afraid they'd start knocking.

Bah! Time to pull himself out of this funk. There was a whole, fantastic universe out there, filled with untold wonders, the whole of space and time at his fingertips, and he was lying here pining for hours over the image of one human woman. He needed... he needed... what? He needed a new adventure, perhaps. Some new mystery to solve, maybe some new people to save. A little bit of his patented, Time Lord heroics and he'd be right as rain.

Or he'd accidentally kill somebody else while indulging in his fantasies of being a hero rather than a power-mad, genocidal monster.

Davros called him the destroyer of worlds. The accusation broke him, because it was accurate. How many people had died because of him during his travels? How many innocent lives had been snuffed out as collateral damage while he whisked around, pretending to save the universe? How many companions had he lost? Had he finally lost count?

He breathed in deeply. A faint smell of roses and earl gray tea. She was happy. Surely she was happy. And somewhere, in that parallel universe, part of him was happy, too. The psychic connection lingered. He could tell that much. The metacrisis Doctor was living the dream he held in his deepest hearts. He could faintly sense mornings filled with the domestic clatter of family, afternoons filled with the excitement of scientific discoveries and new adventures in the explorations of Torchwood, and evenings filled with... Rose. Embraces, confidences. And then... ah! No! It wasn't his right to look any further. Those sensual, private moments did not belong to him. That was the one adventure he could never have. But... part of him was having it.

He was both comforted by this and bitterly envious.

Well, at least not everything he had ever done turned to ash. There were two people out there somewhere who had benefited from something he'd done. It was time to find somebody else who would as well. Surely there was an adventure out there that he wouldn't screw up.

He dashed back through the deserted hallways, back into the control center of the Tardis, and tugged vigorously at random levers while banging whatever button happened to be handy. He was going to go somewhere. Anywhere. It didn't matter where. He'd just set some blind coordinates and see where they took him, in all of time and space, as long as it was away from the burning memories of his overwhelming shame and the people and places forever closed off to him.

The Tardis lurched, howled and whizzed off in the new, accidental direction. As he closed in on the new destination, he felt a voice whisper in his head. A sweet voice, soft and calm and very soothing. It slithered into his brain, uninvited, and filled his synapses with tranquilizing sensations: a favorite meal, a warm, soft bed, a lover's embrace, an invitation to... sedation and oblivion.

"Welcome, traveler. Welcome to my domain. If you are lonely, find comfort, if you are weary, find rest. If you are heartsick, find your solace in my world. I offer you Elusia."

The Doctor reared back in apprehension and barely controlled rage as he fought the hypnotic spell of the voice. "Who are you?" he found himself shouting aloud to the gleaming walls. "Why are you inside my head? How are you doing this?"

"I am your final destination, lonely traveler. Come to Elusia, and you will never need to roam the stars again."

It was a trick. Something was trying to invade his tortured mind and lull him into a trap. He glanced at the monitor displaying Elusia and read the bio-geographic profile. No air. No water. Beneath the layer of ooze lay a core of fissured obsidian. He couldn't possibly survive there for any length of time.

"I'm not liking the sound of that "final destination" business. Sounds a bit... final. Don't start knocking!" Furiously, he punched some new coordinates into the mainframe and the Tardis began to veer away from the black planet that now loomed on his approach screen like a prison opening its gates to lock him away.

"I wish you no harm, traveler. I can tell that you are lonely. I will give you comfort. It is clear that you are weary. I will give you rest. I know that you are heartsick..."

"I am FINE! I'm always fine! And I'm out of here. BYE!" With a few more lightning commands from his hands (and at least one from his left foot) The Tardis swooped into warp drive, headed directly for

another planet about a parsec away from the dominion of that mysterious voice and out of the range of its insidious spell.

The globe now on his approach screen was a mark three earth-like planet that appeared to have normal atmosphere and plenty of solid ground. It was also clearly populated. Well, this seemed as good a place as any to stop. Maybe he could touch down and find out more about this mysterious Elusia place, investigate what was going on, and determine why it tried to lure unsuspecting travelers to their... final destination.

The Tardis landed.

He grabbed his coat and ventured out to examine his new surroundings. Around the gently sloping countryside he could see a smattering of cottages and villas... (Looks like 18th century Europe, with perhaps some economic and socio-architectural influences from Zarkofica - 9...) and near the middle of the village square, there was what appeared to be a tavern. Maybe he could stop for a drink, chat a bit with the bartender. Bartenders always liked to chat. It was almost part of the job description - a universal truth, from galaxy to galaxy.

Inside the darkened tavern walls he saw a number of humanoids from many different worlds huddled over their libations, playing human chess, Balhoonian blackjack and Dravidian darts in various corners of the room. Eh, he'd always been a bit rubbish at Dravidian darts. Those sentient little missiles didn't seem to like him and refused to obey his commands. Still, he might just give it a go. Just for the hell of it.

As he approached the gaggle of people gathered around the dart board, he heard a heated conversation between two worried-looking Flerians.

"I'm telling you, she's sucked in another one! My mate, Raldif... she got him. Nothing left but bones, there was."

"Hold on a second" said the Doctor. "Who got him? Who got who?"

"That... THING out there on that black planet! She got my friend! Raldif! Lured him in, chewed him up, spit him out and his spaceship with him. We found his bones... awful, it was."

"You're hysterical, Rodidus. There's nothing on that planet except for a great blob of ooze. I've passed it dozens of times during my merchant routes and it never called to me," replied the other Flerian as he sipped his drink.

"Yeah, well, maybe she just didn't want you."

"SHE doesn't exist. I'm telling you, there's nothing on that planet that can sustain any kind of life at all. There's nobody there to entrap ANYONE."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," said the Doctor. "There's a pretty broad spectrum of things that can be called 'life', after all, and they don't always look like what we'd expect. I'm the Doctor, by the way",

he added, holding out his hand.

The Flerians ignored the gesture.

"Now, why would SHE want somebody like poor old Raldif and not me?" grumbled the second Flerian. "Look, merchant vessels pass safely through that quadrant all the time. Nobody bothers them, nobody speaks to them, nobody sucks them in and spits them out like you say. Hell, the Chancellor of Dividium once ordered a science vessel to draw near for observations. They stayed there nearly two years, trying to confirm all these allegations of weird voices, and neither of the scientists on board ever saw or heard anything."

"Who were those two scientists?" asked the Doctor.

"Calidriuo and Melacepia. Husband and wife team. Lovely couple, they are, and top-notch at their jobs. Calidriuo's a really impressive guy - courageous, inventive, charismatic, and absolutely brilliant.

Wouldn't a seductive space monster call to HIM if she wanted to prey on men in space? If Calidriuo says he never heard a voice, I'm thinking there's no voice there to hear," insisted the second Flerian.

"Yeah, well maybe she kept silent because he had his wife with him. Didn't want the competition." suggested the Doctor with a hint of amusement.

"Heh. There's that. Melacepia's a force to be reckoned with herself - if somebody ensnared Calidriou she'd probably set the interplanatary terraform module to reconfigure the planet's atmosphere, dissapate the ooze and drag him out of there to safety with her bare tentacles. Heh. Fabulous woman. He's a lucky, lucky man."

"You say it was a husband and wife team?" asked the Doctor. "Not a solitary scientist, traveling in isolation, on his own?"

The second Flerian shrugged. "I travel on my own through that quadrant. It's never bothered me."

The Doctor pondered for a moment. "What's your name?"

"I'm Marvis."

"You happy with your lot, Marvis?"

The Flerian stopped to ponder this a bit. He smiled. "Yeah. Got a lovely hive of mates waiting for me back at home. Business is going well. We'll be broadening our commerce routes to the third trisect next quarter, and I just got tapped to manage the new routes - about four of which pass right by that innocent little ball of ooze that supposedly kidnaps people."

"And you want to protect those routes..."

"Well, yeah. If we have to divert the commerce routes to avoid the so-called psychic manipulation field of a dead ball of ooze, we'll lose thousands of ducatiums a year due to extra fuel costs and extended travel time. Look, my hive has almost 50 people in it. It's a big, big family. I gotta feed them all!"

"You've got a lot of people relying on you..."

"And I'm telling you, Doctor, there's somebody... or something out there!" implored Rodidus. "She's feasting on people who stray too near. When we found Raldif, his whole vessel was covered with rust and rot, as if it had lain to fallow for a hundred years. And his corpse... it was bent and hunched over, like the remains of an old, old man."

The Doctor considered this for a second. "This friend of yours... Raldif. Did he have a hive?"

Rodidus shook his head sadly. "He did... once. But... ah. Poor bloke. He was just starting out, you see. Just got his second mate, was beginning to lay the gridwork for the incubation cells when the earthquake hit...killed his mates, ruptured the grid, and he wasn't even there to help. He was on a trade mission at the time. When he got back to the home planet, his whole family was gone. His mothers, his children - everybody. We all tried to help him recover - I even offered to let him live in my hive for awhile, but he was just inconsolable. He got into his ship, headed out to do his normal trade runs... and never came back."

"He went out there by himself?"

"Yeah."

The Doctor thought a minute longer. "So... has this ever happened to anybody else?"

"Yes" said a gravelly voice behind them. It came from a tall humanoid with blue, scaly skin . "Yes, Doctor, this has happened to other people as well. Vilabrio from Quantum Four, Aliqusis from Kaata Floko... Kanor El from Morok. All of them traveling alone. That thing, whatever it is, doesn't speak to people who travel with a crew and it doesn't seem to be interested in anybody who self-identifies as female. Or anybody who appears to be particularly happy. Just sad, lonely men... out there by themselves."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Ilrusik, deputy security officer on Beablux - 4. We've been monitoring that "innocent" little blob of ooze ever since Captain Irodin disappeared into its orbit two months ago, trying to figure out what caused him to just... vanish like that. And we just found his ship. It just... reappeared in the orbit of Beablux last week, all torn up and aged like it had been left in pouring acid rain for decades. Inside, we

found the body of a very, very old man."

"See? See!" shrieked Rodidus. "I'm tellin' ya, Doctor, that blob kidnaps people! Feasts on them and then spits them back out, throwing the corpses back to their homeland for burial and laughing at us all!"

"Deputy Ilrusik, can you take me to that ship?" asked the Doctor. "I'd like to see what's inside."

End Chapter One


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor raced back into the Tardis and veered it abruptly into the cargo bay of the enormous Beabluxian police vessel. Ilrusik greeted him at the security gates that guarded the evidence compartments. With him was Captain Illuma of the Beabluxian Security Guard. "Meeka atrusix, Doctor," she barked courteously as the Time Lord advanced. "Very pleased to meet you. I understand... some gratitude is in order. You and your companions... when the stars all went out - wasn't it you all that brought them back into the sky?"

The Doctor winced. "Yes, yes... I did that. Well, we did that. Me and Donna and..."

He stopped. Yes, he had done that, with the help of the Doctor Donna and Jack and Sarah Jane and Martha and Mickey and Jackie and.. Rose...and... himself... his other self... and then he lost them all.

"Bit of an adventure there, then", he continued with a trace of false bravado. " All turned out well in the end. We were brilliant. Ah, don't thank me, it's all part of the job, you might say. Now, what have you to show me?"

"But how did you..."

"Really, Captain, I'd rather focus on the present right now. Is this Captain Irodin's ship?"

It was. The hull was weathered, covered with acid stains and dark, red patches of rust. When they walked inside, the interior stank of corruption and chemicals. In the center of the command hull was a Beabluxian internment sphere containing the body of a very old reptile in the tattered remains of a military uniform. What exterior scales remained to him had gone from vibrant indigo to lifeless, metallic silver and in his right claw he still clutched the knob of what appeared to be a walking stick.

Somebody had given this ancient man a cane to use as he became too weak and feeble to stand on his own.

The Doctor scanned the body with his sonic screwdriver. No bite marks, no broken bones, not even a bruise. The Captain appeared not to have sustained any injuries or trauma of any kind... except aging. He showed no signs of malnourishment, asphyxiation, illness, or any other evidence of having tried to survive on an inhospitable planet that could not sustain life in any form. He was just a healthy man who had apparently died of extreme old age... two months after he disappeared in the prime of life.

Beabluxians tended to live to be about two hundred years old.

"How old was Captain Irodin when he disappeared?"

"About 75. He volunteered to patrol the sector after his mate left him for another man. He told us that he wanted to get away from the planet for awhile and have some time for his thoughts."

"Sure, it's always smart to assign one-man patrol missions to people suffering from depression."

"Look, Irodin was one of the finest captains in our fleet. He'd patrolled that quadrant dozens of times, knew it like the back of his claw. We didn't have any reason to believe that he'd suddenly get the urge

to follow strange voices into a deadly ball of ooze. He said the work would do him good, help him keep his mind off his troubles. We... we believed him, thought he'd be the best possible man for the job. It's not often that a Captain volunteers for a routine patrol mission like this." Ilrusik turned on the monitor for the Captain's log.

"Here's the last transmission we received from him, just before he vanished."

The Doctor listened.

_"Captain's log Beablox Date 501.3. Now in orbit around the black planet Admiral Irubinox pointed out to me earlier. I'm not registering any life forms at all... there's no air, no food, no potable water, nothing but that odd ooze that seems to undulate in a regular daily pattern. The planet crust appears to be pure obsidian, with a vast network of cracks and fissures that go hundreds of miles inside the planet surface. God knows what's under that. The ooze covers the whole planet during the day, but it recedes like a tide at night and dribbles of it seep into the fissures. I can't tell what the ooze is made of; I've never seen biochemical components of this kind before anywhere. _

_There can't be anything living there, can there? _

_But I think I'm getting a message. It's like a voice. Can you hear it? No? Possibly the ship's audio sensors can't pick it up. Here's a transcript: Welcome, traveler. Welcome to my domain. If you are lonely, find comfort, if you are weary, find rest. If you are heartsick, find your solace in my world. I offer you Elusia." _

The Doctor clutched at his hair.

The transcript continued._ "I'm going to go a bit closer to investigate the messages. It's hard to explain but... I don't think the thing that's sending them is dangerous. She's very... very gentle, very soothing._

_Very welcoming. I think I'll be all right. In fact... I think... I think... Comfort. Rest. Solace. I think I might just be happy there at last._

_Yes. I am coming to Elusia." _

The transmission ended.

The Doctor breathed in with a gasp. "And that's it? You never saw or heard from him again?"

"Nope," said Illuma grimly. "Not until his rusted ship appeared in orbit around our planet. We thought he'd suffered some kind of an accident and then steered himself home, but we found everything inside rotting and rusted, including him." She grunted. "The Thing... whatever it was... left us a nice little note." Illuma pulled a bit of parchment out of the dead captain's flight jacket pockets.

_"I give you back the cherished traveler who came to me. He served me long and well, and I wish to honor his memory by returning him to his people. Grieve for him not; he found what he sought, and I gave him everything he longed for and deserved." _

"He served her – it - long and well?" frowned the Doctor.

"He was dead in two months. God only knows what she did to make him grow old so fast."

The Doctor closed his eyes. Poor bastard, aged terribly and forced to serve the monster that destroyed him. The Master aged the Doctor, once. aged him his full 900 years, and stuck him in a cage. If it hadn't

been for Martha...

Martha was gone now. She loved him enough to walk the earth for him, but he drove her away with his indifference, and now he was alone. Served him right, he supposed. ACK! Keep your mind on the present, Doctor!

"Has anybody else tried to probe the mysteries of Elusia?"

Captain Illuma nodded. "Davidium sent in two scientists, Calidriuo..."

"Yes, and Melacepia" continued the Doctor. "Yes, I heard about them. They never heard anything at all? Of course they didn't. They were together, and they were happy. This thing only entices sad, lonely men. Men who have lost everything."

The Doctor stood very still for a moment. Then he said aloud, "I think I'm going to investigate Elusia myself. Find out what this THING is and keep her from killing any more men."

Captain Illuma looked alarmed. "But you can't Doctor! Look what it did to.."

"I'm a Time Lord. One regeneration for a Time Lord can last hundreds of years, and this body has only been around for six. If anybody can survive her artificial aging process, it's me. I've had worse things

happen. I'll be fine... just as long as she doesn't KNOCK four times. Big old planet made of obsidian and ooze. What has she got to knock WITH?"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." The Doctor looked back at the captain's log.

_"If you are lonely, find comfort, if you are weary, find rest. If you are heartsick, find your solace in my world. I offer you Elusia." _

He remembered the sweet voice in his own head, with words as soft as a kiss, promising him warmth and peace and sanctuary from the grief of his losses and the constant mockery of the prophecy that haunted him and hunted him everywhere he went. Comfort. Rest. Solace.

Blimey.

She only called out to sad, lonely men. Well, that was him, all right. If he had to die, and the Ood said that he did... there were worse ways to go, perhaps. Nobody would miss him if he was gone. There was

no Gallifrey for her to send his body to. And at least he wouldn't become... stop thinking about that!

And if he saved these other lives instead... of dying... well, wasn't that what he was supposed to do? Wasn't he the Doctor?

The Doctor was quite prepared to fly off immediately, but Captain Illuma insisted that they prepare for this mission a bit first. They loaded him down with extra provisions ("But you don't understand!

I have a TARDIS! She takes care of everything for me!") and flanked his progress with security vessels on either side - which slowed him down considerably.

"No arguments, Doctor,: snapped Illuma in a voice that suggested she was unaccustomed to being crossed. "TODAY you are going to fly a normal, physical course in real time like everybody else. I want you out of there alive if we can possibly manage it. We are going to have two sentry vehicles

with multiple staff keeping an eye on you. If you disappear, we will be flying right behind you to see what took you, where it took you, how it took you and to try and form a rescue plan. I don't CARE what magical stuff your little box can do, you are just too important to the universe for us to let you get away."

The Doctor straightened his tie and perked up a bit at that. It was nice to know that somebody still cared, even if they were only grateful strangers. And it was true; even if the mysterious voice took him,

it wouldn't attack a vessel that had more than one person on it, so there would be witnesses who could figure out what was really going on.

They headed back - to the Doctor's thinking, almost unbearably slowly - towards the black planet.

After a torturously long three hours in space, the Tardis picked up Elusia again on her radar. First it was a glittering dot, and then a marble, and then...

And then he heard the voice beginning to crawl in his head as it had before. It cooed like a mother's tender lullaby, and as it slithered into his mind he could only think of gentle things. He remembered lying on the apple grass of New Earth with Rose, chattering joyfully about New New York and enjoying her playful giggles as she finally began to accept his new face. She told him that she loved traveling with him.

He did not tell her that he loved her. He wanted to, but the words just never seemed to come out of his mouth. He loved her. He always had, ever since they first met in that basement infested with autons. He remembered... he remembered... and the voice was speaking to him.

"Welcome back, traveler. I am so happy to see you again. I was worried that I had lost you, and I am so glad that you have returned. Come, enter my domain. I can tell that you are lonely."

"Yes," replied the Doctor quietly, willing himself to allow the voice inside his brain. For all those men out there who had been abducted, he would do this...

"Afraid? You are afraid? Why are you afraid of me, Doctor?"

DOCTOR?! How did she.. it... know that word and associate it with him? This wasn't just a routine, mass-market hypnotism! It was getting very personal!

"Shhhh... Doctor. The man who is always running. You need run no more. The reports of men dying... they are lies. I console. I revive. I give love and hope to the lost. And you are lost right now, Doctor, but I can heal you. You are lonely but I will give you comfort, you are weary but with me you will find rest. You are heartsick, but I will ease your anguish. Welcome to Elusia."

Consolation. Comfort. Rest. Yes.

His body felt lighter than it had in months, and as his head leaned back against the Tardis wall he felt as if he were floating in a warm and gentle sea that enveloped him like an embrace. Hell, dying

here might be better than wandering on alone, weeping into Rose's pillow every night and mourning what he'd lost as he waited for somebody to knock.

Captain Illuma's voice registered on the Tardis audio circuits. "OK, Doctor, you are about a hundred meters from the planet's surface now. Take care with your descent, because you are about to run into the..."

SLOOOOOOOOP! The Tardis crashed into the acidic blob that settled over the surface of the planet, and as he floated in his dream-like state of contentment he was vaguely aware that the Tardis was beginning to sink.

"Doctor, Doctor! It's got your ship! We're losing you!"

"Doesn't matter." He murmured. "I've been lost for a long time. I guess somebody finally found me."

"Doctor, Doctor!" bellowed Illuma frantically. "Can you read me? Can you tell us what's happening? Can you see what's pulling you down? Can you answer me? Crap! I knew this was a bad idea - Ilrusik, divert energy to the tractor beam. We are pulling him out of there!"

"Ah, my dearest" cooed the voice. "You brought friends? They are interfering with our joyful communion. Hold a moment. I can fix that."

AAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIII!

A moment later the command chambers of both Beabloxian ships were inundated with an ear-splitting banshee cry that shook the walls, flung the staff violently to the floor and shattered their instruments. It lasted only a few seconds, and then there was complete silence.

Captain Illuma raised her head. "I think... I think we've had some kind of malfunction." She staggered gingerly to her feet. "Ilrusik, are you there?"

"Aye, Captain." He was huddled in the fetal position, but clearly conscious. "Do you know what happened, Captain?"

"No." She struggled to the broken command console. "It's dead."

"What caused that?"

Illuma struggled to remember. "I... I have no idea."

"Where are we?"

"I don't know."

"Why are we here?"

"I... I... um. I... don't remember, deputy."

"Neither do I."

As the disoriented crew began to revive and struggle to their feet, Illuma took stock of their condition. Nobody on the crew was actually injured, but the navigation circuits seemed to have malfunctioned;

try as they may, nobody on the staff could make the ship go anywhere but back towards the repair bays on Beablox - 4. For that matter, nobody could think of a more pressing destination. What were they doing out here in the first place?

"Ilrusik, take us home. Maybe somebody back there can tell us what we are supposed to be doing."

"Aye, Captain."

As the two crippled sentry vessels limped back towards their home moon, the forgotten Tardis disappeared into the ooze. The Doctor, lulled into a blissful stupor as he sank, did not even notice that they had abandoned him.


	3. Chapter 3

He was floating. And as he floated, sinking deeper and deeper into the ooze, a bubble gently billowed itself into existence around the Tardis, blocking out the corrosive chemicals, repairing the minimal damage to the blue shell. He felt safer than he had been in many centuries, since before he first stole the Tardis - indeed, since before he entered the Time Lord Academy and stared into the void that could drive men mad.

The next time he was completely aware of his surroundings - and there was no telling how long that was - he found himself lying in a warm, soft bed. He sat up. His brown suit and long trenchcoat lay neatly folded on a rocking chair by the bedside table. He was wearing pinstripe pajamas... they were familiar, somehow. Where had he seen them before? Ah, yes. The Christmas invasion. These were the same pajamas Rose put him in as he lay recuperating from that one, terribly difficult regeneration while the Sycorax attacked Earth. The walls of the room shone with the same cheery, welcoming gold light that glowed from his Tardis, and against each of them was a row of bookcases, containing tomes of every shape and size.

He ambled to his feet and wandered over to peruse some of the titles.

"Timeless Tales for Little Lords." Blimey! His mother read to him from that book each night when he was very young - couldn't have been more than twenty or so. He'd almost forgotten about these stories! He fingered the pages and read the table of contents. "Maneeran and the Three Little Grasks", "Tales of a Hundred Thousand Gallifreyan Nights", and oh - his favorite - "The Brave Little Time Lord." Ah! he loved that one! This little Time-Lord swatted seven galiflies with one blow and bragged about it, so the Council sent him off to swat seven Daleks who were trying to colonize one of Gallifrey's moons. He gathered a group of loyal companions and they tricked the Daleks into exterminating each other. Just silly stuff, a story to amuse children.

Ah, good times. Good times. It took him back - back to when he had a family, hope, ambition, and people who loved him. Back when there was still a Gallifrey to defend.

Oh. Right.

That was all gone now, and he was trapped inside a planet that aged and devoured despairing men. He put the book down, his complacency gone for the moment. Where was he, anyway? This was a funny kind of prison cell. It looked almost exactly like his bedroom inside the Tardis. There was his desk, cluttered with all manner of journals, notes, blueprints, engine schematics, and writing implements of various kinds, and on the wall above it were photographs of himself wearing various faces, posing with all the different companions with whom he'd shared his travels throughout the centuries. Barbara and Ian. Jamie. Sarah Jane. Nyssa. Peri and Mel. Ace. Grace.

Donna and Martha.

Rose.

All of the pictures were in the exact places where he'd left them back on the Tardis - right down to the picture of K-9, which had gotten a bit lopsided and now hung unevenly as if the robotic dog was trying to stand on his head. Just as it was in the Tardis.

But this was not the Tardis. He missed the faint humming of the engines that purred day and night, and he missed the sentient presence that always kept him company on his ship. He could feel that she was not here. Where in Rassilon's name was he?

He tried the door. It was locked, of course. Well, that was no matter, he thought as he reached inside his coat. He'd just get his... sonic...

It was gone. He was trapped. Sweet, glowing lights or no, this was absolutely a prison cell. Fighting back the small traces of panic that were beginning to tug at his hearts, the Doctor dressed in his own clothes and began to search the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and every nook and cranny for a weak spot, a mouse hole, a loose board -

There was somebody at the door. Knock. Knock. Knock. Just three knocks. "Hello, dearie, are you up yet? Are you decent? I've got some breakfast for you, if you're ready."

The Doctor was startled. This was not the voice he had heard in his head. Who else was trapped here besides him? And why was she female? "Come... in?"

The door flung open as a short, squat, pudgy humanoid woman trotted cheerfully into the room with a tray containing a pot of steaming tea, a basket of scones, two boiled eggs, a jar of orange marmalade and a huge bunch of bananas. It was exactly the meal he would likely have ordered for himself if this place had something like room service.

"Good morning, dearie. Glad to see you are up now. We've all been waiting for you."

"You all? Who, exactly, would that be?" asked the Doctor, a bit apprehensively. "And why were you waiting for me?"

"Why, you are a Time Lord - the one who saved the universe just a few decades back!" replied the odd little woman, cagily sidestepping the first question. "We've had all kinds of visitors to Elusia - humans, Beabloxians, Flanians, Mordoloks - we even had a Dalek once!"

"A DALEK? Where is he? What's he..."

"Ah, that one's gone now. They all go in the end. And that's why we were so pleased to welcome a Time Lord. You lot live so much longer than these other species. And... you are the only one left now, so we are all just so very lucky to have you!"

"For what purpose?" growled the Time Lord, advancing a step. "Why am I here? What do you do with these men you kidnap? Why do you need somebody who lives a long time? And what do you mean when you say the Dalek invasion happened decades ago? It was less than a year!"

"To you, perhaps, dear Doctor" replied the woman evenly. "Time flows much faster on Elusia. Sometimes I forget to convert the years. You can call me Bala, by the way. I'll be by to serve your meals and see after anything you might want."

"I WANT my SHIP. And I want some answers! Who on this planet is killing these merchants, and why are they doing it?"

"Nobody here is killing anyone, Doctor. This is a peaceful, comforting place, and all we want to do is make you happy."

"Like the Beabloxian Captain who disappeared two months ago? Were you lot trying to make HIM happy?"

"We were., and we did. And he was grateful - unlike you, I'm afraid. Are Time Lords always this testy?"

"Testy? Oh no. I'm just trying to get some answers. You don't want to see me when I really get testy. Now, why have you brought me here and what have you done with my ship?"

"All in good time, dear Doctor. I see you haven't quite gotten used to the comforts of Elusia yet. All this time you've been running, fighting, facing monsters of this kind and that. You just aren't used to being contented and happy, are you? Now, why don't you just relax and have a nice spot of tea, and I am sure you will feel so much better..."

The Doctor bolted for the door. Bala did not follow, but watched him calmly as he raced down the hallway outside his cell. It appeared to be a hotel corridor, with dozens of rooms that surely housed other prisoners like himself. He opened a random door and found Bala, who had seated herself in the rocking chair and was calmly taking out some knitting. "Ah, you are back so soon, Doctor! Now, how about..."

The Doctor raced back out the doorway and ran down the corridor, which twisted around to another long hallway with another set of doors. He opened another door, and again found Bala, still sitting, still knitting, as she sat in the rocking chair beside his bedside table. "And here you are again, Doctor! Did you find what you are looking for? You know, if you need a bathroom..."

He ran back out the door, down the hallway which twisted again, opening every door to every room. Were there a hundred doors? A thousand? In every room he discovered Bala, sitting and knitting and smiling at him, imploring him to stop this running and have a nice, calming spot of tea. "Honestly, Doctor, you will feel ever so much better."

Trapped. He was trapped.

Panting, he slumped down in a chair next to the breakfast, which despite the time he'd spent chasing about, was still piping hot.

Bala rose from her rocker and swiftly moved to his side, pouring him a cuppa (black, two sugars, just the way he liked it) and setting it in front of him. As the smell wafted up to his nose, he felt again the sedating spell that first ensnared him through the gentle voice that called to him in the depths of space.

A nice cup of tea. Just the thing he needed. So simple, so calming, so pleasant, so... soothing. Nothing like a cup of tea. With a scone. Love the scones. Not too soggy, not too hard. She got them just right. And the bananas were perfectly ripe. Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Heh. Bananas are good. He tucked into the welcoming food and realized that he was famished. He had not eaten in more than a day.

"Ah, that's a bit more like it, Doctor," cooed Bala with a simper as he devoured one of the eggs. "I told you you'd feel better if you had a little something."

The Doctor nodded dreamily as he bit into a scone. With every mouthful, his rancor and apprehension faded away a little bit more. Such a wonderful breakfast, and such a kindly hostess! What on earth had he been so suspicious about?

"Don't forget the marmalade! It's my grandmother's recipe. I made it myself."

The Doctor found himself obediently spooning marmalade onto his plate as his captor chuckled at him gently. "Now, isn't this just delicious? You just enjoy every morsel of that, Doctor. No need to wash up. We'll take care of all that for you. Just relax, and enjoy your books and your memories... we'll be back with something a bit more exciting for you later. Do you still fancy cricket? Ah, that was several faces ago. Right. You've had such a long, varied life. It's hard to keep track of which amusements best suit you now. We'll think of something."

When all the food was eaten, the Doctor was vaguely aware of gentle, invisible hands leading him towards the rocking chair, where he sat with that copy of old Gallifreyan fairy tales. Was he too old to read them again? Did it really matter? "The Brave Little Time Lord." Oh! He just loved that one!

He looked up. Bala and the breakfast dishes were both gone, and the door was once again locked.

After some time - he couldn't tell how long, which vexed him no end - (Time Lords should always know what time it is!) - the stupor from the drugged meal began to wear off, and the Doctor began to pace the floor. So, this thing... or these things, whatever they were, used some kind of psychic manipulation field to lull their victims into complacency and blind, blissful obedience. All these things around his room were memories from different times in his lives. His captors could identify all the things he'd ever loved, everything he'd ever enjoyed or wanted, and they recreated them to lull him in this prison.

"I know what you're doing, Bala!" he shouted to the air. "I'm not going to stand for it!"

The walls responded with music. Strains of a Gallifreyan symphony wafted in...

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" yelled the Doctor. "I'M NOT LISTENING TO THIS!"

Where did he know this from? So long, so very long ago...

"DO YOU HEAR ME, BALA? I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC!"

Ah, yes. Now he remembered. They played this at his first wedding, the one that took place on Gallifrey. She loved that symphony so much... his wife... Susan's grandmother. So long ago...

"I'M NOT THAT MAN ANYMORE, BALA! THAT WAS 800 YEARS AND TEN FACES AGO! THAT WORLD IS GONE FOR ME! SHE'S GONE! THAT SONG IS LOST FOREVER! LALALALALALALALALA THIS IS ME, NOT LISTENING! I. AM. NOT. LISTENING!"

The music stopped. Well. Score one round for the Doctor.

Bala poked her head inside. "Was that a sad memory for you, Doctor? Would you like some lunch instead?"

"I WANT MY TARDIS!"

"Oh, Doctor. Why don't you want to be happy? Oh, dear. Oh, dear. How about a nice game of football? We've got it all set up for you. Come and see."

"I don't want to play games."

"The theater company is putting on a show later this afternoon. Love's Labor's Won..."

"Yes, I know how that ends, I helped write it. I think I've had quite enough play acting for one day. I want to know what's going on around here!"

"Very well, Doctor. You must be tired of being cooped up in here. I'm terribly sorry. We couldn't let you out. The planet wasn't ready yet."

"What?"

"We have to calibrate the planet's atmosphere for each new guest - we don't want to add too much nitrogen to the mix, you might suffocate."

The Doctor turned pale.

"I depend on you for the very air I breathe?"

Bala looked at him squarely. "Every breath you take, every morsel you eat, every drop you drink. It all depends on us. So... be nice."

The Doctor felt his knees quiver slightly.

"But really love, we don't want to hurt you!" contiued Bala in a gentler tone. "We are here to give you everything you need. Now, come and see the world we've created for you."

The Doctor shuffled apprehensively through the cell door. Outside, he gaped. The long, twisting halls lined with doors were gone. Instead, he saw long, snow-capped mountains overlooking meadows of deep, richly red grass. The second sun was rising, and as the silver-leafed trees caught its rays, the whole countryside appeared to be on fire.

Gallifrey. He was on Gallifrey. Gallifrey on fire. Gallifrey, burning. And in the whole of that flaming vista, he could not see a single living person.

"See, it's not gone, Doctor. It's right here, just the way you remember it."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Doctor ran back into the cell and slammed the door behind him. Gallifrey! No! It was gone! He did it! He did that! Gallifrey burned because of him! A hundred billion people GONE! In a Moment! If that damned symphony began to play again...

Bala followed him back in, seconds later, looking genuinely frightened. "Oh dear, oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry, Doctor. I thought this would make you happy... Blast it, I didn't realize... I should have paid more attention. Oh, you poor, poor man."

"Get away from me, Bala. I don't want to see you anymore."

"Yes, Doctor. I understand. I will find you somebody that you like better. Somebody who understands you better."

"I don't need anybody."

"Clearly you do - Time Lord Victorious."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

She was gone. He was alone.

He lay down on the bed and wondered how long it would be before they got what they wanted from him and then killed him like the rest. What horrors did they have planned for him, and why were they using his memories to torture him? When she came back again, would Bala knock four times? What... Wait. What? He felt suddenly exhausted; something sweet in his pillow was coaxing him into slumber. He tried to raise his head and complain, but found his protests silent as he faded into dreamless oblivion.

An hour passed. Maybe two. Dinner appeared, silently, suddenly and without a carrier, on his table: roast chicken, rolls and brussel sprouts.

"I'm not eating your food, Bala."

It disappeared again.

He jumped to his feet and ran to the door of his cell. Was it still locked? No. But when he opened it, there was nothing on the other side except a fissured wall of obsidian. This was not an illusion. He was deep beneath the planet's surface, and suspected that he had been ever since he first woke in this room on the very first day.

No way out. He'd been a damned fool to come here in the first place. Why did he think he would succeed in solving the mystery of this dark planet when so many others, as lost as he, had wasted away in its depths? Arrogance. His blasted, cursed arrogance had brought him to his knees again. Or was there another reason he had come here?

Did he want to give in to Bala's spells and let her lull him with pretty fantasies until he died? Was he just that tired of running, that tired of trying, that tired of being miserable and bitter and isolated? He sank back on the bed and put his head in his hands. Here he was, defender of the universe, stuck in the middle of a huge black rock, arguing with the walls. No Tardis, no friends, no plan, no hope.

There was a voice on the other side of the door. "Doctor? You can open the door now, Doctor. We fixed it. We found you something we think you'll like." That was not Bala's voice. It was lighter, higher, younger...

No. Couldn't be. Impossible.

"Please come out, Doctor. I brought chips. There's enough for two."

It was a trick. He wasn't going to respond to it. He wasn't going to stand back up again. He wasn't going to play along with a lie. He wasn't going to walk across the floor. He wasn't going to give in, he wasn't going to...

He had walked across the floor after all, and he was standing at the door.

"Doctor. Oh, Doctor, don't you want to see me again? Please open up. I've been waiting out here for you for ages."

It's a lie. It's a lie. It isn't real. Don't put your hand on that knob. Don't give in. Don't.. don't...

The door swung open, and in place of the dark obsidian wall he saw the green, pungent apple grass of New New York, with the glittering towers of the city beyond. In front of him, holding a soggy bag of steaming hot chips, was Rose Tyler.

He stared at her in silence. It's a lie. It's a lie. Oh, Rose. Rose... not real. Not real. It's a trick.

"Doctor?" Rose looked crestfallen, heartbroken. "Why are you looking at me like that? Aren't you glad to see me?"

The Doctor swallowed. "You aren't real, Rose. I left you behind. You are an eternity away in a different universe."

"But I'm here for you, Doctor. Right here. Right now. I think... I think you need me, Doctor. I think you need me if you want to be happy."

"Stop... stop the charade. Just... stop.. Please stop."

Rose dropped the chips on the table and slid up close to him.

"I don't think you mean that."

She was pink and yellow, and she smelled like roses and earl gray tea. In spite of himself, he took a deep sniff. She placed one hand on his cheek and stroked his chest with the other. "I missed you so, Doctor."

"You... aren't missing... me. You... are... you are with me... the other me..."

"He's not you. There's only one you, Doctor."

Roses and earl gray tea. She was doing it to him again, the monster who ruled this planet, lulling him back into the deadly dream.. He needed to run, he needed to escape, he needed to... he needed to... He needed to hold her. He enfolded Rose in his arms, shaking as the weight of the grief and loss he'd been carrying for nearly a year overwhelmed him in a wave of sobs.

"That's OK, Doctor. I'm here now. It's going to be alright now. Forever. No more void chasms, no more Daleks, no more pain. Just you and me. And chips! I've brought chips!"

Buried deep somewhere in the depths of her hairline, the Doctor's lips moved. "I don't want chips."

Rose giggled and slipped back from his embrace. "Oh, no? What do you want, Doctor? What can I give you instead?"

"The... truth... you aren't... real..."

"Oh, there's enough of that out of you, now, Doctor!" giggled Rose, and she pressed her mouth against his before he could protest any further. After that, he was undone. The chips lay uneaten and New New York remained unexplored as Rose guided the Doctor towards the bed. No. No. It wasn't right... He couldn't do this, not with this monster who looked and smelled so much like... Oh, Rose! OH, ROSE! And as their clothing fell on the floor, he forgot everything except her scent, her taste, her touch, her voice, her laugh, and finally, her ecstatic moans as they joined with his. Rose. Rose. His Rose. Right here, right now, right or wrong, she was his Rose. He needed her, he wanted her, and nothing else mattered for hours.

After, they lay in the dark, limbs entwined, and the Doctor faintly remembered that he was sharing his bed, vulnerable and exposed, with something that routinely enticed men to their final destinations. Was this how she was going to kill him? Was she going to shag him to death? He chuckled a bit at the idea. What a way to go.

"Shhh, Doctor, none of that" breathed Rose into his neck. Aha. She was reading his mind. Rose couldn't do that. "I'm not gonna hurt you. How could I ever hurt you? I just want you to be happy. Really. That's all. I swear it. Just stay here with me and be happy. You can have this, every day. For as long as you want."

"But you aren't Rose Tyler. Not really."

"Oh, really?" She sat up, throwing off the blanket. Since she was undressed at the moment, the view was spectacular. Ah. Clever monster, offering him another sensory temptation to goad him into accepting this fake... marvelous...overwhelming... joy... before dying. "Go on then, Doctor, test me."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Test me. Ask me anything. Ask me about anything we ever did, anywhere we ever went, anything we ever said."

He eyed with amusement, in spite of himself. This might be interesting. How much did this thing really know? "Where did we meet?"

"Basement of Henrik's department store – and then YOU blew it up!"

"What was the first word I ever said to you?"

"Run."

"What were we running from?"

"Autons working for the Nestene Consciousness."

"What message did you leave throughout time and space?"

"Bad Wolf."

He tried something harder.

"What coronation did we witness?"

"Queen Elizabeth II's, in 1953."

"What was the name of the man helping The Wire?"

"Mr. Magpie – oh, blimey! She electrocuted him! And... she took my face!"

"Yes, I'll never forget that." He thought for a moment. Aha. He had it.

"How did we defeat the Weeping Angels?"

"I... I don't know, Doctor. I... I don't remember that. What's a Weeping Angel?" Rose looked stricken. "I missed that one. Oh, no... Doctor please..."

The Doctor grinned. "Of course you don't know that one, Rose. You weren't there. Oh, you're good. I'll give you that. You are really, really good." He looked at her with something that was much too close to hope. This couldn't really be Rose, could it? Of course it couldn't. He was just tempted to accept the lie because he wanted it to be real so desperately.

"What was the name of the guy in Pompeii who bought our Tardis?"

"No idea. Wait... somebody BOUGHT the Tardis?"

"Yeah. You weren't there then, either."

Rose looked dejected. "I think I must have missed a lot of exciting stuff while I was stuck in that other world."

"I missed things, too. I missed you. Rose. Oh, Rose, how I missed you." He held her for long time, kissing her, stroking her hair, her face, every part of her as her breathing became even and quiet. This was so good. So good. He wanted this so much. Did it really matter if it was just an illusion? The real world had been so brutal to him for such a long time, and it almost drove him to do... unthinkable things. This was heaven, and he was losing the will to reject it. Oh, Rose. Why had they never done this before? Two years together, and they never... He held her tighter, and lost himself completely in the joy of her body next to his.

"Oh, Rose," he whispered softly to the darkness when he thought she was asleep. "Why didn't you choose me? Why did you leave me? Why did you stay there, that last time?"

Rose popped up, wide awake, switched on the light, and eyed him resentfully. "You left me."

"You were kissing HIM!"

"And that's what you and Donna were both pushing me to do! You didn't want me, and he did! You didn't want me to come with you!"

"Rose, that's not true..."

'It is true! You dumped me and left me with a fake Doctor and you just took off with your new, improved companion. The Doctor Donna. Half Time Lady, half human. I wasn't good enough anymore."

"Rose! No! No! You don't understand!"

"No, Doctor. I didn't. I still don't."

"Oh my God. Is that what you thought I meant? Rose, Rose, no. No. I just thought... he was me, sort of, but he was half-human. He could give you a proper life, and you could stay with your mum. I thought you'd be happier there."

"How can I be happy without you, Doctor? And how can you be happy without me?"

"I wasn't."

"And I wasn't." She curled up next to him. "You know, you'd save yourself and everybody else a lot of grief if you stopped convincing yourself that you are the only person who ever knows what's best for every other person in the entire universe - especially when you automatically assume that the best possible decision has to be the one that hurts you the most." She nuzzled his neck as he sighed into her hair. "And you know what, Doctor? Some times... some times you are wrong about stuff."

"Am I?"

"There's nobody here trying to hurt you, Doctor. They gave us back to each other. Don't you see? They are kind... people... whoever they are."

"Rose... how did you get here?"

"I...". she sat up in complete, baffled silence for a moment. "I... I don't know. One minute I was sitting at my mum's breakfast table with you... I mean, the other you, you know, and the next minute, I was stuck in this weird holding cell that looked just like the old bedroom I had when I was a little girl. And then this little old lady named Bala showed up with scones and tea and marmalade and said they needed somebody who could make you happy. They sent me to see you and bring you chips. That's all it was."

"Are you real, Rose?"

"Would I ever lie to you, Doctor?"

No. Surely she wouldn't. And even if she did, he wanted this. He wanted it so badly he couldn't think of anything else, and he settled contentedly into the softness of the bed, the warmth of her skin against his and the faint scent of roses and earl gray tea.

When he woke, she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

"Rose?" The Doctor sat up and peered anxiously around the room. He saw his suit on the floor, the bag of uneaten (and now very cold) chips still lying on the table, a new dressing gown on the back of the rocking chair, and his cluttered desk. No Rose.

He sprang to his feet and grabbed the dressing gown. Now, that was handy... and weird. After a few more adjustments for the sake of decency, he crossed the room and opened the door. A black wall of fissured obsidian greeted him. He saw another door on the other side of the room that had not been there before. What was behind that? It was a bathroom, stocked with freshly laundered towels and various shaving and grooming implements... but no Rose. He sank back on the bed, stubbornly holding back a wave of bitter tears. It had been a lie, after all. Of course it was. He should have known. He did know, and that thing seduced him anyway. And he loved every minute of it. Oh, Rose.

There were three knocks at the door.

"What the hell do you want?" the Doctor growled.

The door, which moments before had concealed a black wall, opened up to allow in a short, squat little man with a breakfast tray. What was it with this planet and short, squat serving staff? Were they all designed on the same template? "Morning, Doctor! My name's Rolly, stepping in for Bala, since you said you didn't want to see her anymore. Did you have a nice evening? How about a little spot of..."

"Where's Rose? What have you done with her? Why are you doing this to me? Who the **** are you?"

"Oh, temper, temper Doctor! No need for such language! Your friend is fine. She's absolutely safe. We've got her resting in a temporal equalization chamber. She'll be back to see you later."

"A temporal equalization chamber."

"Well, we had to do that, Doctor. She's human, after all. They have such short lives - not like Time Lords, and time goes by so quickly here. If we didn't let her rejuvenate most of each day, she'd age too fast and die, and you'd be all by yourself again. And I have to say, Doctor, you are quite the handful when you aren't happy."

"And all the men you killed? Did you let any of THEM rest in your handy dandy temporal equalization chamber?"

"They didn't need it. We brought them here for their own joy, not to facilitate somebody else's."

The Doctor felt sick. "You've kidnapped her, snatched her from her own life, her own family and her own world just to pacify ME?" He recoiled at his own selfishness. She was trapped here, a prisoner just like him, against her will, aging rapidly, and it was all his fault.

"Send her home."

"You don't really want me to do that, Doctor."

"I said SEND. HER. HOME! You have no right to do this to her! Me, I flew in here of my own free will, and I knew what I was getting into, but Rose... you just STOLE her life! She's going to die here, quickly, and nobody will ever know what happened to her. Oh, Jackie's got to be out of her mind with fear and worry right now!"

"I promise you, Doctor. She won't die. She will live as long as you do. That's why we've got her in the chamber."

"But how is that LIVING when she's only let out for a few hours each day?! It's like a form of slavery!" The Doctor shook. No matter how badly he hurt, no matter how much he wanted her, no matter what he suffered, he could not and would not do that to Rose.

Rolly stared at him, little flickers of exasperated frustration dancing across his odd little face. "Doctor, Doctor, Doctor! What on earth is it going to take to make you happy here? Is there something about you Time Lords that makes you just enjoy wallowing in your own suffering? Do you get some kind of kick out of denying yourself joy? Is that why you lot send all the little children to stare into the time vortex and go mad? So that they can participate in the Time Lord ritual of eternal self-flagellation?"

The Doctor seethed at him. "Send her home."

Rolly sat in the rocking chair and regarded him calmly. "No... it's the Time War, isn't it? You choose misery because you are punishing yourself for what you did during the Time War."

"Stop it."

"All those people, snuffed out in an instant."

"STOP IT!"

"And you can't stand to live with yourself unless every day is full of danger and pain and sorrow and loss. Then you rush around trying to save the universe, as if you could make up for what you did by

rescuing enough people. But it's never enough, is it? No matter how much you do, no matter how many people you save, no matter how many universes you preserve or how many lives you enrich, it just doesn't begin to make up for the billions of innocent lives lost on Gallifrey in a single Moment. Oh, you poor, poor man. The Man Who Regrets."

The Doctor slumped, defeated, on the bed. "How do you know so much about me, Rolly? How do you get so deeply inside my head? And what are you going to do to me? What purpose do you have to imprison me here and enslave the woman I... I..."

Rolly laughed. "Still can't say it, huh? You don't think you deserve love, so you can't confess that you feel it. But she made you happy, didn't she, those two years you were together?"

"Happier than I've ever been in any life I've ever had. Yes."

"Did it ever occur to you that she might feel the same way about you? Do yourself a favor, Doctor. Don't force that decision on her again. Let her decide where she wants to be, and who she wants to be with. She's not a child, or a pet, or a plaything you can have come and go as you think is best for the Greater Good and your own self-immolation. She's an adult, intelligent, sentient being with dreams and desires of her own, and you need to respect that, for once."

The Doctor was silent, embarrassed.

"Promise me you won't hurt her."

Rolly stood his full four feet, eight inches. "I promise you, Doctor. In all the millenium we've lived on Elusia, none of us has ever hurt anybody. We are here to make people happy. That's all. We do it because it because we feed off your joy and that makes US happy. The reason those men seemed to age so quickly was because time flows faster on Elusia, but as far as they knew, they lived out their long, rich lives as we fulfilled every longing they had, gave back any love they ever lost and soothed every sorrow they ever endured. We can do the same for you and your beloved companion, if you will only let us."

Rolly opened the door. Outside, the apple grass and glittering spiral towers of New New York beckoned, and across the hills, Rose Tyler appeared, walking calmly towards him, a picnic basket in her hand. In the same instant, Rolly vanished.

The Doctor went to her, and as he took her in his arms, she punched him in the stomach just hard enough to take his breath away for a moment.

"OOOOOOWWWWW! What was that about, then?!"

"You were trying to send me away again, weren't you, Doctor? Yeah? You decided that all by yourself and you didn't even ask me what I wanted. Don't you dare! Don't you dare send me away! I've built machines that could put fractures in the fabric of space and time looking for you, and I swear to GOD I won't let you shove me back into a universe that isn't mine because YOU'VE decided that will make me happy!" Her rancor faded into a playful smile. "Now... come and have some lunch. I brought bananas. You told me, always bring bananas to a party."

"Party of two?"

"That's all we need, for now."

They laid out a blanket that appeared out of nowhere and sat contentedly munching bananas, sandwiches, crisps and cookies while the clouds rolled past and birds sang. After the picnic, Rose begged him to take her shopping in the New Earth malls - they didn't seem to need any money - and later on, a replica of the Globe Theater arose out of the ether with a vigorous band of players eager to show them both a new production of Love's Labor's Won. Back in their bed again, the Doctor enthralled Rose with the tale of his adventures with Martha, William Shakespeare and the Carrionites while she lay, enraptured and adoring, in his arms.

It was perfect. Almost. Funny thing, though. They passed by hundreds of people during their excursions that day, but none of them seemed quite as real to him as Rose and Rolly and Bala did. The actors in the play appeared to be three-dimensional projections. The cashiers in the shops moved like realistic autons. So did the waiter in the French cafe who took their orders for dinner after the play, although the food he brought was filling and delicious.

That entire, blissful day, Rose appeared to be the only real person he could see, and she was never in the same room with him when either Rolly or Bala were there.

The days went on like that for an eternity as the Doctor began to accept Elusia as his new home. The happy days turned into joyous years, and the years into blissful decades. Every night as he slept, Rose vanished for a number of hours, and the doors to his room sealed behind walls of dark obsidian. Once the Doctor stopped fighting the planet's gift of happiness, Rolly became more open with information, and he explained to him why his room had to be sealed so often. The life force of the planet was the sentient ooze; throughout the day she moved in and out of the fissures in the obsidian like the sea moved with the tide. When her tide was out, she covered the surface of the planet, manufacturing the atmosphere that kept him breathing, but leaving the fissures bare. It was then that the Doctor and Rose had to be kept safely enclosed inside the insulated rooms provided for them, because if they escaped into the fissures they would be instantly killed in the airless, weightless pockets of the planet's core. When the tide receded into the fissures, they could move about freely, and explore whatever landscapes they asked the ooze to offer them.

She could take them anywhere in space and time, it seemed, as long as the Doctor had heard of it or seen it before. The Singing Towers of Darillium? The ooze could provide it for them, down to the last glittering detail. The Phosphorus Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestalt? She could conjure that up, too. Rose once asked to visit the piers of Brighton, and immediately the world around them was filled with carnival music, roller coasters and the smells of hot dogs and cotton candy. The Royal Pavilion materialized for them in the distance. But... the barkers and ride mechanics were robots. The Doctor tried to have a conversation with one of them, and his gestures of friendship were met with glassy

stares and a tinny command to move along; he was holding up the line.

"The line", which moved at superhuman speed, leaving them waiting just long enough to create the impression of being in an amusement park, was also filled with robotic people who would not speak to the Doctor.

This was paradise, but it wasn't real. The only thing real here was Rose. Or was she, after all? How long did he spend in his personal playground with her? Was it a hundred years? Was it more than that? Yet every time she came to him, she never looked a day older. Her body seemed to be as ageless and unchanging through the years as his was, and that... wasn't right. It was beautiful and heavenly and perfect, but it wasn't right. This wasn't right. Not completely. Not even now, after all the time he'd spent here.

He wasn't supposed to be here, blithely amusing himself for decades. There was something else he was supposed to be doing. Wasn't there more to life than this? What did he tell one of his companions once? Ah, yes. "Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea is getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do!"

For a long time now, he'd had no work to do. He wasn't the Self-Indulger. He was the Doctor. If he'd wanted amuse himself selfishly through the ages, he wouldn't have stolen his Tardis and run away from Gallifrey. The other Time Lords were quite content to spend their infinite lifespans conspiring in plans to augment their own knowledge, wealth, prestige or power, but those self-absorbed goals had never appealed to him.

Would the planet let him leave? Could he take Rose with him? He stopped for a second, worried. Rose was eternally young and ageless here. Would she even be willing to leave with him? All he could do was ask. Even if they were willing to let him go... where was his Tardis? Was she lying out there somewhere in the ooze, rotting and rusting like all the other ships that had been navigated here?

He felt a sudden, desperate wave of fear and guilt. His Tardis! He'd just abandoned her out there for decades, like a bicycle carelessly left in the rain by a thoughtless child! Oh, Rassilon! He'd never forgive himself if she were reduced to scrap while he amused himself!

He looked at the clock on the wall. It was Rose Time. The door swung open and there she was, dolled up like a princess for the promised night of dancing in the Rainbow Halls of Plantagia. Her off-the-shoulder gown glittered with a thousand tiny diamonds that sparkled and shot prisms to the ceiling and the walls, creating a tiny universe of starlight just for him. Oh, Rassilon. She was exquisite. Why did she have to be so achingly beautiful tonight, when he was pondering the possibility of leaving this place behind?"

"Hey, you, Doctor" she said, pointing to the white tuxedo that materialized, neatly folded on his bed. "I see you aren't ready yet. C'mon, the dance floor won't wait for us forever! You can't do the foxtrot in the Rainbow Halls wearing that old pinstripe suit of yours."

The Doctor grinned sheepishly. "A white tuxedo?"

"Well, you said the black one always brought bad luck. Can't have that, then, can we? C'mon, put it on. You want me to help you, yeah?" she asked, tugging playfully at his tie.

Ah, Rose. Her deft fingers loosened his tie and began to unbutton his shirt. He loved so much the sensation of her touch against his skin. Too much of this kind of help and they wouldn't actually make it to the dancing hall. But... he didn't want to go there, anyway.

"Ah, Rose, sit down for a second... I wanted to talk to you."

She looked at him apprhensively. "Yes, Doctor. I see." She backed away reluctantly for a moment, and brightened up, as if hit by an inspiration. "Look at my dress, isn't it just AMAZING? It can create constellations on the ceiling! Look!" she exclaimed, as she twirled around, shooting tiny comets into the air. "You can't get this in any shop in regular old London! It's only possible on this incredible planet! Everybody will just be gaping at us when we hit the floor!"

"Rose, they will only gape at us if they are programmed to do that. Those other people aren't..."

"But... but... Don't you like it?"

"Rose, you look beautiful."

"You don't... really want to go dancing with me, do you, Doctor?"

"No."

She slumped down into the rocking chair. "All right then. You want to talk? Go ahead and talk. We've got hours together. Maybe we could dance a little between the sheets after talking, yeah?"

Tempting. Really, really tempting.

"Rose, I want to see if the planet would be willing to let us leave."

Rose looked stricken. "Leave? Doctor, why would you want to leave? C'mon, we've been over this dozens of times. Aren't you happy here?"

"Every day has been a new and different kind of treat. It's been an absolutely fantastic holiday. But Rose... it's time we moved on. I've got work to do. We... we have work to do, you and me. Together. Just like old times."

"You miss the danger and adventure, yeah?"

"You might say that."

Rose's eyes flashed with exasperation. "Shall we have Rolly conjure us up a nice, exciting Dalek invasion? Hey, those were always your favorite."

"Rose..."

"Shall we order up a side of murderous Sontarans with some Weeping Angels for dessert? Because I still haven't seen those..."

"Rose!"

"If we ask really nicely maybe they could arrange to have the Daleks tear us apart for a couple of years! That's what happened the last two times we decided we had to save the universe together!"

"ROSE!"

"Doctor! Doctor! DAMN YOU! NO! We are HAPPY here! Look at us! We have everything we ever longed for - the whole universe at our disposal to play in, and we've got each other! You said you couldn't spend the rest of your life with me - well, here you can! We be together forever, just like we always promised. What more could you POSSIBLY want?"

"I need to be the Doctor, Rose."

"Would that be the Doctor who scatters discarded companions all over multiple universes? The Doctor who attracts monsters to kill bystanders wherever he goes? Or the Doctor who blows up planets because the people in charge won't play nice?"

"That's not fair!"

"It's true, isn't it? Aren't all those things true?"

He turned away from her in dismay and self-loathing. Yes. They were.

"Doctor?"

He stood silently, his head lowered. If even Rose was throwing these accusations in his face...

"Doctor? I'm sorry, Doctor. I didn't mean it, Doctor."

He felt her slide up behind him, her tiny arms encircling his waist. "Please look at me, Doctor. Take me dancing, Doctor. Let's be happy. Please?"

"It's not enough, Rose. Life isn't just about being happy. It's about making a difference, taking a stand. Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I told my mum. You don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what's right, even when everyone else runs away."

"And Rose... that's what I've been doing my whole life. Me, with the help of all you brilliant, fantastic people courageous enough to put up with me. It's part of who I am - much more than these sideburns, for example."

"But I love the sideburns!"

"Yeah, I know, I think they make me look quite dashing... wait. That's not the point. I have to be out there, where things actually happen. We've been feeding these people with our joy for at least

a century now. I figure we've done our bit, made our fair contribution to Elusian society. Don't you think?"

"Doctor... Doctor. Please, please don't leave me, Doctor." Rose suddenly broke down on the floor in wrenching sobs as the worried Time Lord dropped to his knees beside her.

"Well, I'm not leaving you here by yourself! Of course I'm not. Aren't you coming with me, Rose? It'd be just rubbish without you. Last time I traveled by myself, I nearly went half mad, did some... terrible things I'm ashamed of."

"Oh, Doctor. You don't understand. I wish I could travel with you and see the stars, I really do. You've been... oh, you've been such wonderful company all this time. I love you so, so much. But, I can't go with you."

"Why not? We did it before? Remember? All those amazing planets we saw? The Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire? Krop Tor? Barcelona?... I did eventually take you to Barcelona, didn't I?"

Rose sat quietly, morosely fingering the diamonds on her gown. She appeared to be turning her options over in her mind. "Look, maybe it's time. Maybe it's finally time I introduced you to Circe."

"Who's Circe?"

"I'll show you, Doctor."


	5. Chapter 5

Rose took him by the hand and led him back out into the lands beyond the bedroom door. As soon as they passed the threshold the sky began to fill with the bubbling expanse of mucus-like goo. An oxygen-rich bubble formed around him so that he could continue to breathe as the ooze manifested itself around him.

Rose? He glanced anxiously around him. Where had she disappeared in the dark? What had they done with her?

"Hello, Doctor. What can I do for you today?" came a voice from all around him, and he recognized it at once. It was the same warm, welcoming voice that had called to him from the Tardis the first time he ever entered the orbit of Elusia.

"Ah, hello then. Ahem. Circe, is that your name? Very pleased to meet you, Circe. Look, first of all, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me and Rose. Really, it's been... it's been brilliant. Best time of my whole life, all my lifetimes, and that's saying a lot, you know. I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for letting me stay here awhile. I was in a bad, bad way when I first arrived..."

"But...?"

"Ah, yes. But. Look, Circe... ah... I'm a traveler. That's what I do. I travel all over, never staying too long in one place, helping out here and there wherever I can, saving this planet or that galaxy... it's all part of who I am. A hundred years in one location - that's a new record for me, you know. There's not many people who can get me to settle down for that long, so you understand. It's been brilliant. Molto bene. I've just loved being here. I was just wondering... if it wasn't too much to ask... Could I... leave now? Please?"

"And go where, Doctor?"

"Well, I can go just about anywhere in time and space, if I have my Tardis with me. It's all part of being a Time Lord, you know - absolute freedom!" He was attempting to sound jovial, but he was aware of the slight, desperate tinge of desperation at the edges of his voice.

"Are you sure you really want to do that, Doctor?"

The Doctor looked up at the broad mass of kindly gelatin, and nodded. "Yes. Yes. I am. There's something else I am supposed to be doing, Circe. I don't know quite what it is, but there's some place else I'm supposed to be now, and... "

"And..."

"I think they are counting on me."

"Do you really think the entire universe will just cease to function if you aren't there to meddle with it constantly, Doctor?"

The Doctor was silent, shame-faced.

"I know your destiny, Doctor. I can see through space and time as well. I know the Ood are calling you. And when you answer them, Doctor, this lifetime will end for you. You will die."

The Doctor shivered at her words. "Well, maybe I don't have to answer them immediately. I could knock around a bit first, investigate a few more things, chat with a few more people. You know, Queen Elizabeth was furious with me last time we met. She wanted my head off! I had no idea why. Maybe I should go and find out what that was all about. Maybe I could talk a little reason into her, explain the misunderstanding, get her to see my way of thinking." He straightened his tie with a tiny swagger. "I can be quite charming if I want..."

Circe bubbled silently for a few moments, as if she were pondering this.

"The court of Queen Elizabeth. The fates are drawing him there...," she murmured, almost to herself. And then louder, she continued, "You still aren't completely happy here, are you, Doctor?"

"Well, as happy as I can be anywhere, I suppose."

"But you really can't be, can you? Not entirely? The guilt...Gallifrey. It still gnaws at you, doesn't it?"

The Doctor's face turned dark. "Ah, so you know about that, do you? You know everything about me, don't you? Everything I've ever done, anything I've ever felt, everyone I've ever met. You've read every single crevice of my mind and you didn't even bother to ask first. Well, that's just rude. There's an etiquette to this power, you know!"

"I even know your real name, Doctor - and why you must hide it." She whispered it into his mind, and his eyes bugged out like saucers as he shook in open terror. "Don't worry. I understand the power it has. I would never, ever use it against you. I do not harm. I only wish to make people happy."

"Why?"

"Doctor, hear me now. I am Circe of Elusia. Primitive people would say I was the spirit of this world, but you, oh learned, scientific skeptic, may identify me as a massive semi-liquid gelatinous life form.

I am the only indigenous life form on Elusia; I'm so large, nothing else can grow here. And Doctor.. I am lonely."

"But Bala?"

"I am Bala. I can manifest small parts of myself as a humanoid for short periods of time."

"And Rolly?"

"Yes, him too."

The Doctor's tongue went dry in his mouth. If Bala and Rolly were pretend people, then... Oh, no. Oh no! Rose, who disappeared for hours each day. Rose, whom he left in a parallel universe. Rose, who could not possibly have traveled here... No. No. No. Don't let it be true. Please don't let this be true. Of course it was true. He'd always realized that, but she made him so happy and he wanted her so badly...

"I am lonely, Doctor. I have lived here in solitude for years beyond remembering, since the universe began. Sometimes the neighboring stars are company enough, but sometimes I ache to love someone, and that's when I call out to those who need me, those who are also alone, and in need of comfort and kindness."

"You killed all those men?"

"They lived their full, rich span of years, free of illness or injury, and they died of old age, happy and peaceful in their passage. You say you've been here a hundred years, Doctor? You have - but in the outer orbit of my planet there is a search vehicle from Beablux - 4, looking for you. They think you've been gone for a month or two."

"Why haven't they found me?"

"I have my ways of... diverting them. They forget, and travel back home, and then somebody reminds them of their mission. I may have to lie low for an eon or two, because of you."

"You wipe their minds?"

"Just like you did to Donna Noble. Don't get huffy and self-righteous with me, Doctor. We are not so different, you and I."

"I did that to protect her."

"I think I have the right to protect myself from attack, if I can do it without hurting them."

"And what about Rose? I left her in another world, on the other side of a void that's impossible to breach. How did she get here?" He was grasping at straws, he realized, hoping beyond hope that the ooze would give him an answer other than the one he knew to be true.

"Doctor... you already know the answer to that question. You've always known it, ever since the first night you and I made love." The ooze almost appeared to chuckle. "Go on, then, Doctor, test me. Ask me anything."

The Doctor felt violated. "You can't do that! You can't pass yourself off as somebody that you aren't, and... and..."

"And give a bitter, miserable, desperately lonely man a thousand treasured moments of ecstasy and joy when nobody else possibly can? You knew very well who I was, Doctor, and you accepted my love because you needed it. And I needed you. I still do. We've made a heaven for each other this past hundred years. Don't you see that?"

"You shouldn't have lied to me about it," the Doctor grumbled, as he thought about those thousands of warm, intimate, endlessly blissful nights of pleasure and playful conversations. He had loved her so much... he never told her, but if Rose was Circe, he suspected that she knew.

The real Rose never did. He never told her. She thought he abandoned her. She probably hated him now. He quivered with grief and shame.

"What of your Rose, left behind in another universe? You urged her to spend her life with your clone and pretend it was you. She weakened a moment, kissed that clone, and you abandoned her there with no other recourse than to make the best of it with what she had."

"That was different!"

"Was it really? Was it really so different? You wanted her to be happy, so you gave her something that looked and behaved like yourself, but had the same lifespan she did. Isn't that pretty much the same thing I've done for you here? I gave you a Rose who could stay with you forever, who would not age, decay or die. I am the only being in the universe who can offer you that gift, Doctor."

The Doctor was silent, his head spinning with this revelation.

"If a little variety is what you need, Doctor, I can change it up a bit. Do you fancy an afternoon with Donna Noble? You miss her quite intensely, don't you?" The ooze began to roil and move, as dribblets formed in the beginnings of a transparent, Donna-shaped mound behind him. The ooze spoke again, but it was Donna's voice he heard. "Oi! Space Boy! What kidnapped me this time? Was it Huon particles again?"

"NO! Ah... no." The Doctor's voice shook with disgust, shame and embarrassment. "I'm... fine. Just fine. Make her go away, please?"

Donna, not yet fully formulated, vanished again into the blob that was Circe.

"So, now you understand, Doctor."

Yes, he did. But now, with the spell of willful self-delusion lifted, he was repulsed by his surroundings and his own weakness. He would not be able to enjoy this planet in the same way he had before.

"Can I have my Tardis back now? Does it even exist anymore?"

"Don't go, Doctor," Circe begged in Rose's voice. "If I could squeeze my entire form into Rose's body forever and travel with you, I would. I'd go with you to see Queen Elizabeth, and find out why the fates are drawing you to her court, what it is that they want you to do. I'd take you to confront the Ood, and we'd find a way to stop the man who dares to knock four times. But I can't. I am the size of the planet's surface, and I cannot leave my home. Not ever. Stay with me. Stay with Rose. Would you abandon her alone, as you did before at Bad Wolf Bay?"

"She wasn't alone. I left her with me."

"Doctor! You will DIE out there. Soon! Very soon! You know this. You only have two missions left. You'll regenerate within the year, and then you only have a single lifetime left to spend before you face oblivion at Trenzalore."

"Trenzalore!"

"I've seen your grave, Doctor. Don't go there. Stay with me. Two unique, isolated beings alone in the universe. You can live for thousands of years and I have lived for millions. We belong together, you and I, and I will never have another chance to find a mate who can stay with me as long as you can."

"Blimey, I don't want to go to Trenzalore."

"Then don't."

"But the fates are calling me to the court of Queen Elizabeth. You said so yourself. What am I supposed to do there?"

Circe was silent. He had a feeling that she knew the answer, but didn't want to tell him what it was.

"Circe?"

"I think... You are the Man Who Regrets. They want you there to show yourself a possible future, and you will change your past."

"What does that mean?"

Circe hesitated.

"TELL ME!"

Defeated, the blob of ooze continued. "I think you will help save your people, Doctor. The Man Who Regrets. They need you there to change your own past mind."

"Gallifrey! I'm going to save Gallifrey?"

"Well, you... and you... and another you, yes."

"Well, then! I'd better be off then! No time to lose, I'm already late!"

"You don't need to leave, Doctor. There's no need to embrace that strife and suffering again. You were so unhappy out in the universe alone. The Time Lords of Gallifrey are power-mad and dangerous. Why leave this place to rescue them?"

"Do you want to know why I was so unhappy, Circe? Why I could never find peace, no matter how hard I tried? It wasn't just because I lost Rose, it wasn't just because monsters constantly try to murder every person I come in contact with, it's because I'm a SWORN PACIFIST and I BUTCHERED EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON MY OWN PLANET! They aren't all Time Lords, Circe. Most of them are just ordinary people, working, playing, living, loving. And I killed all of them. Unless I can come to terms with that I am NEVER going to be completely content, no matter how many beautiful worlds you show me, or... or..."

Circe had disappeared from the sky, and Rose stood in front of him, sea waves suddenly crashing behind her. The glittering gown was gone; she was dressed now in the same blue jacket and pink blouse she was wearing the last time he saw her on Bad Wolf Bay. She drew near to him, grabbed his lapels and kissed him as had she kissed the metacrisis Doctor on that terrible day when he lost everything and everybody he'd ever loved. In that moment, as he watched that kiss, his life, hope and spirit had been completely destroyed.

Now he was in the winner's seat instead, feeling her mouth against his as her arms flung passionately around him. Oh, Rose. He wanted to stay. He felt himself embracing her.

No. He couldn't do this. He understood this last, desperate tactic. Circe was trying to change that day for him, still trying to replace the hell of his genuine memories with sensual, beautiful lies. He let the fantasy continue for a moment. One last kiss before dying. That wasn't too much to ask of the universe, was it?

"Or what, Doctor?" asked Rose at last, her face almost buried in his neck.

He smelled roses and earl gray tea as held her. "Or how desperately I want to be with the woman I lo...I lo.. I'll get it out somehow, Rose, I'll keep trying."

"Don't go."

"I must. I can't do this anymore. I can see the truth too clearly... and I've got a job to do."

They kissed and touched a few minutes longer.

"Do you really have to leave? You aren't coming back. He's going to knock four times, and I can't tell you who he is or how to avoid meeting him."

"If I can save Gallifrey, yeah, I have to go." With all the will he had, he backed away from her imploring arms. "That... that's something worth dying for. It's even worth... losing you. AGAIN! Rassilon, why do I have to keep doing this?!" It wasn't fair. This horrible beach with its terrible implications... why did he always find himself back here?

He gazed mournfully at Rose.

"Do you understand?"

"I do, yeah. And you are right. This is a good enough reason for me to let you go. Oh, Doctor."

He turned away from the beach of his nightmares, and it disappeared back into the ether. Rose remained.

He was going to die. Soon. He shook with fear – and yet, how foolish that was! Time Lords regenerated. It was just another transition in his life, and he'd done it many times before. What was making him such a coward now?

Oh. Right. That was it.

"I just hope... when I regenerate..."

"What, Doctor?"

"Ah, it's probably nothing. Just a tactic the Time Lords used to intimidate me a few lifetimes back. They introduced me to somebody called the Valeyard - supposedly, it was an evil version of me, filled with all the darkness I'd ever embraced. My last incarnation. I've only got one left. I don't wanna be him, Rose. I'd rather just... crumble to dust right here, right now. When I went mad on Mars, when I turned into..."

"Time Lord Victorious..."

"Right... I... afterwards I was afraid it was already beginning to happen. I'm terrified of regenerating now. I don't want to know what I'm going to become."

Rose smiled at him. "Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe you'll be this odd, sweet little fellow who runs around in bow ties and fezzes, playing with remote control airplanes like a little kid."

"Is that speculation, Miss Rose, or is Circe seeing through space and time for you?"

"SPOILERS!" giggled Rose.

"Now, wait, that's River Song's line" said the Doctor. "You never met her!"

"No, but you did, and I don't have to play dumb anymore," replied Rose. "It's... it's going to be OK, Doctor. There's love and happiness ahead for you. I just wish it was with me."

She was gone.

Again.

He sent her away AGAIN. Maybe Rolly had been right. Maybe he kept choosing misery on purpose, as penance for the Time War.

He thought about Rose's last words, predicting love and happiness ahead for him. River Song?

River Song. He remembered what she said. "It's OK. It's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me. Time and Space. You watch us run!"

Was there hope for him after all?

A remarkable woman, River Song. She wouldn't run with the Valeyard. Maybe Circe had given him another prophecy. He'd be an odd, sweet little fellow who runs around in bow ties and fezzes. Fezzes? REALLY? Well, that might not be so bad, if it meant that he also saved Gallifrey.

The Tardis materialized beside him in one of the same protective sanctuary bubbles the ooze had used to bring him to his cell.

"The Tardis! It's not damaged!" exclaimed the Doctor out loud.

"Of course the Tardis isn't damaged!" rumbled Circe from above. "She's not just a machine - she's as alive as you and I are. She wasn't just a ship left to rot. She was my honored guest, the same as you. I took very good care of her and we had WONDERFUL conversations, she and I."

"You had conversations with my Tardis?"

"I am Circe of Elusia. I have neither vocal chords nor tongue. I do not speak with words and I do not hear with ears. I can converse with any sentient being capable of understanding coherent thought, and your Tardis is one of the wisest and most delightful people I've ever had the privilege to know. Sometimes she was better company than you are, Doctor... especially when you were pouting and yelling and thrashing about. She was like... what do the humans call it? A girlfriend, I think. She was my best mate during all this time. And Doctor... try to be a little kinder to your Tardis. When you kick her and pound her with mallets, you are hurting her."

The Doctor felt his face reddening. Hurting the Tardis? When she was all he had? Just how often did he hurt the people who cared for him most without even realizing it?

"You came here, broken, pining for your human companions. I don't understand; most men who come to my realm have nobody at all. You had her. The Tardis is your companion as well, Doctor. She has been for hundreds of years, and she loves you and cherishes you every bit as much as any of them ever did - including your Rose. You haven't been alone all this time - she's been with you, listening to your grieving, weeping when you weep and offering comfort every way she could. Some day, I hope, she may even get a chance to tell you that in person. I believe she will."

"Right, then. I'll try to keep that in mind." He patted his suit pocket and grinned. "My sonic screwdriver! You gave it back!"

He gazed into the bubbling sky, which radiated with love for him even now. He'd been so happy here with Rose. No, he'd been happy with Circe, and he realized at last how grateful he was to her. She had revived him and comforted him just as Rose had when they first met.

"Circe... thanks... Thanks for everything. It's been brilliant. It's been more than brilliant, it's been... Ah, you know!"

"Yes, I do."

I'll never forget you." The Doctor took one more look around the planet that had been his sanctuary for a hundred years, and stepped back into his Tardis. "Very well then. Off I go. Allons-y!"

"Take care of him, my friend" Circe whispered to the Tardis alone. "I have to make him forget. If he doesn't, he can't fulfill his destiny."

The blue box and the Doctor blinked out of the Elusia sky, and Circe tenderly blew them into space. "Goodbye, my love..." He would head back to Earth now, back to the court of Queen Elizabeth, and sometime very soon, she knew, he would find himself so flummoxed by shapeshifters that he ended up threatening a rabbit and insulting the Queen. The residual traces of his erased memories... That was her fault, she suspected.

She bubbled for a year or so, listening quietly as the universe told her the end of her Doctor's story. Ah, it made sense now. There was a cosmic reason for all that pain, wasn't there? This one, tortured lifetime, so much shorter and sadder than the rest, had to create the Man Who Regrets. She winced as she felt him regenerate in terrified anguish and despair, believing his current self to have lived only six years, fearing the coming of the Valeyard.. She felt the new Doctor as he dashed madly around, desperately willing himself to run away from everything that had hurt him in the past, and she knew that he had become The Man Who Forgets.

Both of them were necessary to save Gallifrey, and all the billions of innocent people there who weren't Time Lords, who didn't plot for universal dominion and the increase of their own destructive power. If the Doctor had not lived out his lives exactly as he did, the Moment could not have shown the War Doctor the agony of what he would become... And yet, those visions were also untrue. He would have blown himself up along with his planet. Her Doctor's anguish and despair was based on a lie... the fall of Gallifrey, which never happened... and yet, he had to suffer the fallout of that falsehood, or he would never have existed at all.

He could never have stayed with her forever. He'd have vanished from the cosmos, and then the Daleks would have used the Reality Bomb to destroy all of time and space, and she would also be gone.

"I could do so much more!" Oh, Doctor. You have no idea how important you've been, or how much you've actually done, in the midst of your own struggles and anguish. Oh, Doctor.

At least she gave him happiness for awhile. The multiple universes owed him that for all that he had endured to save them.

She wished... she wished... She remembered something another companion, Sarah Jane, once said to her Doctor in the pinstriped suit. "The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world or a relationship, everything has its time and everything ends."

Wise woman, that Sarah Jane Smith. She had to let him go. The Tardis would look after him and all the men he would become with his new cycle of regenerations - a gift from the Time Lords he had saved. The Tardis would take care of him forever. She had promised. In the meantime, somewhere on Beablux – 4 there was a police force still trying to discover what happened to the Doctor and all the other travelers. She would have to lay low for awhile.

After grieving for an eon, or possibly two, (she never could quite keep track of years in human terms) the voice of Elusia began to call again to lost, desperate souls in the darkness. "Welcome, traveler. Welcome to my domain. If you are lonely, find comfort, if you are weary, find rest. If you are heartsick, find your solace in my world. I offer you Elusia."


End file.
